Having boundaries, simply put, means you are in control of the things, people, and circumstances that are involved in your life. Boundaries set limits on how others can engage with you-- and what your response will be when those boundaries are crossed. Now, if creating boundaries sounds selfish-- it’s because it is. However, self-care is important and necessary for women. In our 40's it is even more important because we cannot take care of others if we are depleted. I wish I had adopted boundaries in my 20's. It certainly would have saved me a lot of stress, heartache, and disappointment. If you have never set boundaries, it's not too late! It takes time to decide what your boundaries are and to implement them. I will warn you that once you being to set boundaries people (friends, associates, loved ones, co-workers, etc.) may not be too happy about it because it means they will have to treat you differently and respect your boundaries. Some will respect your choice and others will not.
5 reasons why you should create boundaries in your 40's:
1. Boundaries allow you to protect your space. In life things happen that are out of our control, but there is also a whole lot of negativity, toxicity, and drama that we can avoid simply by protecting our space. This is a boundary that I have set in place in my life for as long as I can remember. I set it unconsciously even before I knew anything about setting boundaries. Having this boundary keeps unwanted negativity from around me. You decide who and want can occupy your space -- not the other way around.
2. Healthy boundaries support wellness. Wellness is such an important aspect of my life. Living with an autoimmune disease means I have to focus intently on managing stress because stress triggers my autoimmune flares, which can be debilitating. The best way for me to do this is to set boundaries focused on my health and wellness. It means I dedicate time to workout, meditate, pray, and focus on well-being and my health. This dedicated time is non-negotiable and having this boundary means that those in my life know wellness is a priority for me.
3. Boundaries protect your energy. Do you ever feel like you are being pulled in 10 different directions? Or drained from focusing on everyone and everything but yourself? People and circumstances can be absolutely draining. There is nothing worse than a toxic environment that sucks all your energy leaving you drained and exhausted. This could be a bad relationship, a bad friendship, a bad job, or any environment that takes more from you than it gives. Having this boundary will ensure you have the energy you need to function.
4. Boundaries protect your time. You. Are. Busy! No woman in her 40's has time for unorganized chaos. I say "unorganized" because there is nothing wrong with a busy life. It's when things get chaotic that we can start to unravel. Time is valuable and there is no way to get it back once it's gone. Value your time and show others how to value your time by creating boundaries. For example, for years I've had an issue with over committing myself causing me to be completely exhausted and drained. So I made a simple tweak to address this. Now when someone asks me to do something, instead of committing right away, I say "Let me think about it, I'll get back to you and let you know." And that is exactly what I do. Sometimes the answer is yes, and sometimes the answer is no. Doing this allows me to prioritize and protect my time so I can dedicate it to the things I value.
5. You are trying to cultivate the life you want to live! Your 40's is the time to finally have what you want. You have forty years of life experiences and its time to take that experience and cultivate what you want in life. That means you need to focus on your goals and what you want out of life. That will be hard to do without healthy boundaries to keep things (and people) that do not serve you well from getting in the way.
SHOP MY LOOK
Linen Jumpsuit: (Similar style - The exact one I am wearing is from TJ Maxx but not available online so I am linking a similar option) Scroll through the look book below for various options. Striped Jumpsuit
Mules: DSW Lareidith Mule
Wristlet: (Similar style - The exact one I am carrying is also from BR but no longer available) Banana Republic Animal Print Wristlet
Are you ready to create boundaries? Do you already have boundaries in place? Are they working for you? Let's chat about it in the comments below.